I haven't posted to my blog in a long time. This one is not that easy to post because it calls for some amount of confession that I'm not comfortable with on my part. Maybe I should have started with "I have this friend . . ."
One of my favorite songs begins with the line "I'm an old man now, I can't do nothin'". I'm not quite there yet. In fact, I still do pretty much anything I ever did. In fact, I sometimes find myself more determined once I get my mind set on doing something (which can admittedly take a while and is a mildly disturbing notion), but the words to another song, "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was", become more and more applicable as time continues to pass.
It's true, what they said a lifetime ago. The older you get the faster time passes. I woke up one day and realized that I no longer have the rest of my life to get things done. One way or the other, I'm pretty much staring at what a young person calls the rest of my life square in the face. And more and more, Proverbs 13:22 has caused me to pause and reflect . . . and panic!
"A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, but the sinner’s wealth is laid up for the righteous."
I'm kidding. I'm not in a panic. But, I have looked at my situation, and I have recognized it for what it is. And I have spent a lot of time in prayer about this. Whenever that time comes I don't want life to be financially difficult for my wife. I do want to leave something for my girls. Generally speaking - so don't bow up and get all "libbery" on me - while women think of security, men think of success. It's really one and the same although the road to success doesn't always look so secure. And I'm not talking about great financial wealth. I'm talking about succeeding at something as opposed to failing at everything. I'm talking about having at least something in life that works. Something that was yours to do and you did it and, under the guidance and blessing of God, you brought it to what such things are supposed to be. I'm talking about the prosperous life that God Himself designed for you, which is simply living the life that God created you for. Need I include Jeremiah 29:11? So, Proverbs 13:22 would have a place in all this, right?
"Lord, I don't want my epitaph to read "Well . . . he tried". (I'm a well known tryer, and our girls have always been so supportive and encouraging and proud of all of my trying.) "I want my family to be proud of me for something other than trying." (although I try pretty well.) "He was a great tryer" just doesn't have much of a ring to it, though, as far as epitaphs go.
So, last night I was led into a serious talk with God. And this very subject, these very words, came up.
This morning, I got a text from my youngest. "Dad, I had a dream last night that you wrote a book about how to pass values down to your children." Carrie dreams about me from time to time. I have gotten more than one call or text asking if I am ok, and that comes from a dream she had the night before. It's to the point that I do take her dreams seriously.
Not quite ready to believe what I was seeing, . . . er, reading, we texted back and forth a few times with me asking if she had actually read the book, me having publishing in mind. It did have a title and she saw the cover, but those details were not in her memory. I wrote back that it would make a good book, but I might not be the one to write it. So here she comes, ". . . remember that God is your source of all creativity and He lives in you, so the sky is the limit!" Followed by, "And you gave me and Amy good values didn't you?"
Me: "I hope I did. I'm so proud of both of you and the people that you are. There were things that I wish I had done for you, though."
Carrie, "Of course you did! You loved us well, what more could we ask for?"
My remaining text was brief due to watery eyes.
Maybe Carrie's dream foretells the writing of a non-fiction book to go with the fiction I put out. Maybe, for me, it means that the real things in life actually are better than the things I can make up.
I have no doubt, though, that God sent a dream to one of the children that I want to leave something for to tell me that I already have. And, whether I know it or not, they do . . . and they place great value on it. And, though I'll keep trying in a different state of mind and with a different purpose, that might just be the greater fulfillment of Proverbs 13:22.
I'm gonna have to go now. I'm getting that watery eye thing again.
I have 2 videos for you. One is a sad song that has to do with what a man leaves behind . . . doesn't pertain to me at all, praise God! The other is the song I mentioned earlier in the post.